Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
