I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
