Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
