K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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