I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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