then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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