The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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