I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
