i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
