Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
