He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
