Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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