the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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