is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
