it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
