I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
