Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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