you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
