She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
