tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
