You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
