youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
