The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
