hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
