What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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