She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
