It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
