he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
