I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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