I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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