I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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