the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
