I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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