I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
