I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
