I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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