I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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