If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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