Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
