Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
