I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
