She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
