Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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