This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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