real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
