If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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