And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
