my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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