just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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