he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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