so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
