How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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