The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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