you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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