I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
