there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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